So much for stepping out.

Really, so much for stepping out… of my comfort zone.

Have you ever felt so low, and so degraded next to other people because of something that you don’t have and can never have? Well, that’s how I’m feeling at this exact moment and trust me, I’ve never felt so low in my entire life.

I’ve always been a positive person (at least I try to) and tell myself, ‘I can do this even though she’s better than me.’ Either that, or I don’t give two hoots about who she is or what she has that I don’t.

But today, it hit me real hard on my face, slapped me to wake up to reality and look for myself that I ain’t the best around here. There are prettier girls, girls who speak so much better, girls with so much more personality than I do, so who the hell am I to think that I am the best?

Fuck me and my stupid ideas, really.

So ok, I had an awakening. I told myself, “You don’t have to be the best, but just don’t be the worst.” And now what? I am not even the LATTER. I am the worst.

Seriously, it’s such a small matter but I don’t know why I had myself fighting with friends over it, and even doubting myself to do this. And who is to blame?

Nobody but ME. The girl who has absolutely nothing. No material, no quality, no personality, no whatever the fuck you call it. I pinned my hopes way up too high for this bullcrap and this is what I get. And to think that this would be easy peasy and just to pass time.

I thought this could be a great chance for me to be something different. I thought this could open up new doors for me. I thought this could tell me that  could, afterall, do something along the lines of what I wanted. But no, this is really bullcrap.

I don’t want to be just a girl with a 9 to 5 job and does what a regular Tom, Dick or Harry does. But now I think I’m just that girl,  exactly the way I described her.

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